DM91"

What madness can possess one to change?
Is it necessity?
Disapproval?
Discontentment?

It’s been a long time.
Things are much different now.
I was looking for the inner peace that led me to this place.
That peace was there all along..

It was stuck under a blanket of lies,
When all I needed was a push,
I kept pulling myself back in.
I look back and I smile at the misfortunes.
The answers, the reason was there all along.

I just wasn’t listening
I wasn’t aware
I simply wasn’t ready.

Observe and you will receive a greater understanding of mental perception.
Sometimes its better to shut your mouth, give yourself the benefit of the doubt than to snap out and speak garbage.
Even now, as I write this, I’m gaining that understanding.

Don’t rush.
Don’t judge.
Don’t frustrate.
Don’t feel.

Don’t fuck around.


It’s not starting over.
It’s picking up pieces,

And moving on.

I’m a tourist of life

A vessel of individuality. A number of equal value. A drop in the ocean. one more light, cast upon the night sky.
In an age of proven theories and history, we are just drones searching for nirvana. We are all expendable. Like trees and plants, we only live to serve a function, while remaining virtually inanimate.
our dreams can be bought, our wishes carried out.

Nothing is special no more.

I’m expected

To follow the rules and go down the same path as everyone else.
But where does it lead? I want to know what my journey is.

They were right.

Who?
Everyone.
What have I chased or done in my years?
I’m in the prime of my life and I feel like I haven’t done anything to underline it with. 
I’ve done and gone through a lot.

But for what?

This time lost on gaining life experience has covered too much. 
What do I remember of my teenage life?
I’m saying this beacuse this is my time of advance, my time of crossing into a man.
It terrifies me to think this.

Where have I spent my years?

Now I see everything I’ve kicked and pushed away.
I have no regrets, but there are many things I would’ve done differently.
I am unraveling a new chapter.

A chapter of  madness.
A chapter of youth.
A chapter of broadened horizons.

A chapter, of fresh beginnings and endings. 

A chapter of invaluable greatness, in the making.
I fear age.
I’ve lost too much too quickly.
Once I get my token of freedom, I will re-instate and re-collect my life.

 Much is scattered, much is lost.
 There is much to do, yet much to enjoy. 

Or at least attempt to.
I am nearing a time of the pursuit of joy and greif.
What we do now, will shape our lives.

It sort of makes me smile, forging the future ventures of my life.
The token of freedom is overdue, and that is the only regret.
I’ve been swaying through life.
I am approaching a crash course with reality, and therefore accounting for my mistakes.

Still, I worry not.
I’ve learnt much. 

It is no matter.
No matter why it is the way it is. 
All that matters is what it does while it’s there.
It’s not as negative when you think about it.
It gives you enough time to think,
Enough wisdom to engage.
Insight into your own soul.

Substance for effect.

It hits you hard, like a fist full of pebbles.

I look in the mirror and I see a face.
A face of disappointment.
A face of disbelief.
A face, in much need of work.

All my life has been unfinished business
And temporary solutions.
Nothing is set in stone.
Nothing is certain.
I can’t go on forever.
I can’t just keep changing the channel because I don’t like whats on.

I won’t. 

It’s times like these, you realize what elements in your life negotiate what you do with it.

Time to take a stand, time to re-instate what the hell do I want.
It revolves around a central problem, but it shouldn’t be worrying me this much..
It’s a network of faults, things I should have established quite a while ago.
Now it’s bottled up, shaken and blown up infront of me.

It’s time to clean up my mess. 

This will probably be my last post on this page, from my previous state of mind.
I’m going to keep this tumblr up, but I’m making a page in which I’ll be contributing to my current status.
Over the 3 years, it seems I’ve kept a lot inside and It seems I haven’t written as much as I could have.
I went through a mind boggling fracture of sanity and confidence.
Lost everything I believed in and left my ambitions get covered in dust.

And yes, all this because of one person.
She knew me and knew how to get to me,
Really threw a grenade at my ego.

Never again.
I lost my shit over something so stupid. 

But,
Even with that said, I reached a climax, an ultimate resolution in my mind where I’ve cleared things up with myself.
This can be seen in some of the recent, more disturbing posts.

Anyways, I feel a lot better now.
I took a good look in the mirror and saw a teenager’s burning passion, anger and determination in a man’s body.
I want to be that guy again.
I’m not 18 no more,
No..

I’m at the peak of my strength.

Love and let live,
Farewell.
<3 

I”m about to lose it.
Frayed, like a rope I’m hanging on to sanity.
What’s in the way?
What’s stopping me?

Slam his head against the wall
Let him get up like its a brawl
Kick him, punch him like hes too tall
Jump on his fucking chest and pound until his head roll off.

Fuck.